Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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