Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
