in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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