The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
