All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
