I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
