apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
