You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
i love accidental penises.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
