Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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