I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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