My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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