Im at strip club and am horny
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
