SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I understand Curling. That high.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
