my phone needs a breathalizer
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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