does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
