we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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