Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
All the doctor said was why
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
