Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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