If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
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