he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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