I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
