I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
