Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
