Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I licked your asshole in confidence.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
