people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
