woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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