i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
