So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
