so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
