if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
