I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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