he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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