I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
