four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
