I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
the day after is always just damage control
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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