Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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