Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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