im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
