I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
