Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Randomize
