smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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