currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
