big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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