Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
