He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
