we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
