She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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