a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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