I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
