I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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