this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
