...so i touched it.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
