It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
