Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
